Metal Gear Scottacon 2
by Otaconcon
Summary: The sequel at last! Roughly follows the plot of SOL but with humorous differences. Characters are again played by some of my many friends. Enjoy and R&R!
1. 2 years later

A mysterious hooded figure walked slowly across the bridge. He finished his cigarette and threw it over the side of the bridge…onto some fishermen. "Stop that you bastard! That's hurts!" He continued walking, ignoring the rain. The figure took a deep breath and threw his coat to the wind as he activated his stealth camo suit.

The now-invisible person made a running leap and flew off the side of the bridge attaching a cable to himself in mid-air as he fell towards the passing tanker. The wire became taut as he fell, the man shifted his weight and swung into the side of the tanker before releasing the cable and dropping to the deck.

Sparks and electricity beams flew away from the figure and the light faded revealing a familiar teen in a stealth suit. Solid Tank raised his head and 'Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Bitches' appeared above him. "What the fuck?" There was the familiar codec beeps and Scottacon's face appeared on the codec screen.

"Woah! Look at that! The graphics on this one are so good! Look at how well my face is animated this time around! Anyway…was the infiltration a success?"

"Um, yeah."

"Great! That's…great. Sorry about the stealth camo. The impact must have been too much for it. Don't let that stop you though. You need to get to the bridge to find out where the tanker is heading. The new metal Gear should be on board but if it isn't…you're screwed. Good luck."

"Thanks for the reassuring words. Tank out."

Tank turned round and used his scope to check out the upper levels. "Ha! Piece of cake!" Just as the words left his mouth helicopters arrived and soldiers dropped down, killing the helpless guards. "Oh shit. Um, Scottacon?"

"I'm busy! Call someone else!"

As Tank was turning off the codec a soldier came around the corner and looked him straight in the eye. Tank froze, ready for a fight. "Oh," the soldier said, "I guess there's no one here." He walked back to the upper levels.

"You're kidding…" Another helicopter dropped off soldiers and a…higher-ranking officer. It was a Russian with very short blond hair. Tank snapped a picture and sent it to Scottacon, "analyse this for me will ya?"

"Jeez Tank, do I look like Kay Link to you? Yeah, whatever. It's not like I've got anything better to do."

Tank hurried to a corner and peeked around, "lightly guarded…I'll slip inside easily." He sneaked around an idiot of a guard and stood in front of a door, stopping to answer another codec transmission.

"Hey Tank!" Scottacon announced, "remember last time that damn triangle button was first person view?"

"Oh yeah! That sucked major anus!"

"I don't know who that is. Anyway, now R1 is 1st person view and triangle is 'action'. Use to open the door. Now you lazy bastard!"

Tank turned the wheel and stepped inside the open door. "Oh my fucking gonads! It's all black! What the hell is that? Is that Japanese?" He appeared inside the next room, "oh, that's OK then. What's my mission?"

"Goddamn it Tank! Go to the bloody bridge!"

"Oh, thank you Scottacon. Bye bye."


	2. The first boss battle

Tank stepped past the corpses of dead sailors and looked at the tanker's destination on the screen. "So Tank," Scottacon asked, "where is the tanker heading?"

Tank fumbled for an answer, "um…err…I don't know."

"Look at the screen and read the co-ordinates. Those numbers there. Read them!"

"Uh…seven…swirl. Son of a bitch! It's too damn hard! Oh look! Here's a nice map. Here's the boat and here's a nice island! Ooh, pretty."

"What's the island called?"

"Um…well…"

"Forget it Tank! You can hitchhike home for all I care!" A figure attracted Tank's attention and he went out onto the deck. A woman was talking on her radio very loudly trying not …to not attract attention?

"Yes they are all planted. And the vehicle's pilot? Yes, he is a noob!"

Scottacon called suddenly, "that's Older Tankinivitch! Fit as fuck!"

She continued, "father, I want to stay and fight."

Not caring about her conversation Tank rolled out from behind the crates and raised his Beretta, "hands in the air!" The woman turned around and dropped her gun down on the deck. "What else have you…urrgh!"

Tankinivitch stared down the stranger, "is there a problem?" she asked in a Russian accent.

"When was the last time you shaved under your arms? Just put your arms down, ok?"

She did and Tank calmed down considerably, "alright, take the knife and toss it 

overboard!" Older saw her chance and turned slowly towards the railings. "I said

don't move!"

"Oh you shoot women too, dickhead?" Suddenly, the boat lurched and Tankinivitch looked up, "it's stopped raining."

"Nice observation skills," Tank muttered.

"What? Anyway, isn't it amazing – America I mean."

"We're in England! Are we gonna fight or not?"

"Oh yes, where did I put that knife?" A bullet fired from the handle of the knife and

missed Tank by an inch. "And that brings our tour to its conclusion."

"What the hell are you talking about? Whatever let's fight already!"

Older looked down at her knife, "crap. That was my only bullet!" A tranquilliser dart hit her and she fell to the deck.

Tank stood over her. "That was stupidly easy! Oh well a victory's a victory."

"Hey Tank!"

"Yeah Scottacon."

"Take that gun with you. Just do it! Get to the bottom of the tanker and find the new Metal Gear!"

"What new Metal Gear?"

"Read the manual you douche!"

Tank picked up the USP and went back inside, heading for the stairs.


	3. RAY escapes

Tank strolled down the final hallway annoyed at how long and incredibly similar the corridors were. Just then he got a codec call from Scottacon, "I got an ID on that important looking guy. He's Bobo Kerrswimovitch. Dumb name I know, but watch out for him and his guys!"

"OK Scottacon. Thanks for the heads-up. Speaking of which…"

Tank pulled his USP and head-shotted a soldier about to call for backup. That could have easily been a boss battle, Tank thought to himself as he turned the handle for the door and stepped inside.

Just after he was through, an enemy soldier sealed the door tightly, locking Tank inside. He was approached by another camouflaged veteran who startled him. "Huh? Sillyshaska? What are you doing here?" The other man answered him with a lethal bullet to the brain and the unnamed soldier fell into a pool of his own blood.

In the first hold Tank was contacted by Scottacon via the codec, "okay Tank listen up! You need to get to the third hold and get the pictures of the new Metal Gear before the speech is over – that should be in six or seven minutes. Go quickly…and don't kill any marines! We're not terrorists!" Tank grunted at the final remark and set off down the ladder.

Inside the third hold Tank was astonished by the size of the new Metal Gear RAY, "I'm astonished!"

"Remember Tank," Scottacon reminded him, "we need 4 pictures – the front, left side, right side and the 'MARINES' insignia. Got it? Go!" Tank was about to set off when he noticed another camera on the floor nearby. He soon discovered that it had all the 4 pictures he needed and some he…wanted. He plugged the camera into the upload station and sent the pictures to Scottacon.

"Ah good, you got all the pictures. And some…others. Yeah…I'll back these up just in case. Oh shit!"

"What is it Scottacon?"

"The speech is about to finish! Get the fuck outta there!"

Tank was about to scarper when the speech finished and the marines saluted the man who had made the speech, Simo Dolph. There was slow, sarcastic clapping from behind RAY and another familiar face appeared. "Excellent speech, my friend. Gift of the fat head! They say it's the mark of a good officer – and of a batty crease!"

Simo spun around, "who the…?"

"Let me introduce myself. I am Sillyshaska! Also called Revolver…"

Tank said it at the time as him, "Scottelot!" Poorly rendered images flashed through Tank's mind. "That was unnecessary!" he remarked.

Before the marines could act, Bobo grabbed Simo and put a gun to his head. Scottelot continued as soldiers slid down from above with cables, "this ship now has enough 'ticky-ticky boom boom' to blow it the FUCK up! Also, we'll kill Dolph if you care that much!" The marines shook their heads in unison. The enemy soldiers set about detaching RAY as Tank found a new hiding place behind a large container.

When RAY had been released of its cables Scottelot raised his arms in delight, "all mine at last!" He turned and saw Bobo's confused face.

"But Sillyshaska…you said we'd use it together to destroy BHS!"

Scottelot mock-sighed and said sarcastically "oh dear - I forgot about that." Scottelot raised his SAA and fired at Bobo and his captive, "so will you!" The round penetrated both men and they collapsed as Scottelot laughed and headed to the upper level.

Explosives went off and seawater leaked into the tanker as Tank headed to confront Scottelot. He stopped and looked up to see him shaking and convulsing. 'Scottelot' peeled back his right sleeve to show a bulging, muscular arm and he spoke with a different voice. "Brother! So glad you could make it to the shindig!"

Tank was shocked to hear the voice again, "Liquid Drewbo?! How the fuck…"

The devilishly handsome Scottelot/Drewbo combo replied, "well since Scottelot's father was a medium and I'm so damn cool I stayed dormant in my arm waiting to awaken. Thanks brother!" Liquid Scottelot leapt into the cockpit and fired a laser at the tanker wall. "I hope this is the swimming one…anyway…" he began as he slapped Andrew W.K.'s 'Get ready to die' into RAY's CD player, "get ready to die bro!"

There were more explosions and more seawater flooded in as Revolver Drewbo sang along to the lyrics, "we'll take on anyone!" The hull split open further, Tank stumbled back to the railings and marines flew through the air. "It's really nothing new… Kerrswimovitch and Simo's last thoughts were about their daughters. Drewbo/Scottelot continued, "its just a thing we like to do!" Tank fell backwards into the rising seawater as RAY headed to the surface, "you better get ready to die, get ready to die!"

Tank made it to the surface where the 2 halves of the tanker were sinking. "You better get ready to kill, get ready to kill!" RAY stood on the tanker halves and looked down on Tank before backflipping off into the ocean, "you betta get ready to run 'cause here we come!" Tank was sucked underwater and Scottacon screamed his name as Scottelot finished, "you betta get ready to die, get ready to die!"

RAY swam to the base as Scottelot spoke to over the radio, "yes, I have the weapon. Everything went as planned and I'm on my way…Mr President!"


	4. Plant chapter

That was 2 years ago… 

Several helicopters carrying American soldiers flew over a nearby bridge. Once again Colonel McKeegan's voice was transmitted via codec, "alright here is your final brief…terrorists have taken over the cleanup facility the Big Smell. It was made 2 years ago to deal with the spillage from the tanker incident. The terrorists have several VIPs and the President hostage since they were visiting when the take-over happened. Your mission is to rescue the hostages and neutralise any terrorists. Are you ready?"

"Yes sir," came the reply.

"Good luck…Snake." Snake swam through a hole in the mesh fence and soon surfaced in a diving room. "Colonel," Snake said with his scuba mask still on, "I've made it inside but I think there might be someone else here."

"Shut up you idiot! Only the army teams are there and they are just landing now. Don't be so paranoid and get on with the fucking mission."

Snake opened the first door and peered around the corner. A soldier regained consciousness and carried on down the corridor. Snake followed and watched as the lift ascended carrying a lone figure to strut A of the Big Smell. He called the colonel again; "there is definitely another operative here."

"I told you to feckin' shut up and do the damn mission! Make sure you call the lift before those guards wake up as well!"

SWISH! Snake casually returned his survival knife to his belt, "not a problem anymore!"

"Snake, where did you get that?"

"I was hiding it…somewhere special."

"By the way, just so I don't have to keep yelling at you I hired Rosie to do it for me…oh, and she'll save your mission data too! Multi-tasking, eh?"

"Colonel this is way too dangerous for her!"

"Oh shut up you bitch. Back to the sneaking!" He logged off.

A ping noise alerted Snake that the lift had arrived so he got on. On the way up Snake pulled off his scuba mask to reveal a young, handsome face and flowing blonde hair.

Colonel McKeegan called again, "hey Snake! To avoid any confusion we are changing your name to 'Raidrew.' Isn't that super cool?"

"Why Colonel?"

"Erm…well, uh…hey Rosie didn't you want to talk to Sn…I mean Raidrew! Damn this is not my day!"

"Hey Raidrew! Do you want me to save your mission data?"

"Are you shitting me? I only just started this damn game…yeah I suppose I should."

"Okay all done! Be careful!"

Raidrew crept stealthily around the first few enemy Russians then stopped to consider his plan? The Big Smell was huge! What were his chances of finding the president and where should he start?

2 soldiers stopped to chat, "hey Josef! You know how most of the time we speak Russian? Today I was thinking we should speak fluent English for the fun of it."

"Ha ha. Good one Sergei! We should go to here now because that is where the president is…I'll put it on the big screen so any eavesdropping fucktard could find it! I think that was long enough – let's go Josef!"

Raidrew ducked out of the opposite door and sprinted to Strut D – he had to get to the president before the bad guys.

Raidrew slipped on the floor and crashed into a 'wet floor' sign as he rounded the corner. He looked down and saw that the 'wetness' was blood from a nearby soldier. He leaped up and brushed himself down and grimacing at the stains.

In the next room soldiers stalked their way through, looking for the assailant. A knife flew down from the shadows above and pierced the leader's head. The rest screamed and fired randomly at the ceiling. Another was cut down and the final had his neck slashed wide open by the brown-coated villain.

Raidrew entered as the last soldier was getting his blood drunk by his killer. Raidrew was startled by what he saw and even more startled when the killer saw him. The knife-wielding man leapt onto the platform and landed behind Raidrew with his weapon ready…


	5. Confrontations

The door flew open and another soldier rushed inside with an assault rifle, "get down!" Raidrew did as he said and his attacker jumped and almost flew to dodge the incoming bullets. "Agh!" The tall pale man slashed at Raidrew's saviour and he lifted up the army soldier.

"Vout?" asked the female on the other end of Vout's radio. "Get over here – I've found the president." Vout dropped the army soldier and leaped to ceiling and out a vent.

Raidrew picked up the assault rifle and aimed it at the masked soldier. "Wait," he lifted his undamaged arm, "I'm not an enemy!" He removed his mask to reveal a rugged face and sat up, "my name's Sn…um, Lt. Sillyboy Fisting. I'm part of the team sent to rescue the president – we should work together."

Raidrew shook his hand, "I'm Raidrew, thanks for the assist. We should get after them if we want to rescue the Prez. But if you're hurt too bad…I think I can go it alone. Yes, I am a badass!"

Fisting gave him an 'are-you-stupid' look but said nothing. "Yeah, whatever. Go on and I'll meet up with you later."

As Raidrew left the area he called Rosie, "Rosie? Could check any records for 'Solid Snake'? I know he's supposed to be dead but…just double-check."

"Okay. Be careful out there okay?"

Raidrew reached the strut as more army soldiers took on another of the terrorists. Vout appeared behind the woman and picked up the unconscious President and a black suitcase. He stopped before exiting, "it's all going as planned Facey."

The soldiers sprung into action, "don't let them take the President!" They fired their bullets and grenades at Facey…but nothing happened. "What the fuck?!" Facey raised her own weapon and charged the…electric…stuff.

"Today is another bad day…for you fuckers!" she fired her…weapon at them without mercy. The bridge exploded and soldiers flew everywhere. Raidrew sighed as the remnants of the bridge fell into the sea far below, "looks like I'm taking the long way round." He crouched down and activated the codec.

Colonel McKeegan seemed pissed off, "I'm pissed off Raidrew! Can't you go 5 minutes without calling me? You've got it on very easy BTW!"

"Jeez sorry. Just wondering how I'm supposed to get to where the President and other hostages are."

"Use you radar numbnuts! And don't fucking call again! You're more of a bitch than the last guy! And now he's leading the terrorists…crap! I shouldn't have said that!"

Raidrew sighed and tried the other frequencies he'd gotten.

"Hey Leon. How ya holdin' up?" Raidrew cancelled and tried another.

Johnny Sasaki answered, "what, ungh, is it? I'm in the middle of something BIG! Need more paper!"

Raidrew tried the last frequency but threw the paper away as he saw what was on the screen. "Berries & cream! Berries & cream! I'm a little lad who loves berries & cream!"

Later Raidrew entered Strut…erm, the one with food in it. He was just passing through when he heard a noise in the preparation area. He slid the door open and pointed his gun at the man inside. "Don't move you terrorist scum!" The man stood up slowly and looked at Raidrew. "What are you staring at?"

The man sniggered, are you goin' to a fancy dress party or something?"

"Enough you bastard!" Raidrew pulled the trigger as the gun was knocked out of his hand by an unseen opponent.


	6. Bombs and bombers

The SOCOM clattered to the ground and Raidrew turned to face his 'attacker.' "Damn it Fisting, whaddidya do that for?!"

Fisting grunted, "he's not an enemy you fuckin' tard! He's the bomb…disposal guy! Meet Persy Stillman."

"What? He's not Stillman! Stillman's old and black!"

"No," Fisting said, "you must be thinking of Mark Wilkins. This guy is the real deal!"

Persy nodded, "good to meet you. Now, to show you how to disarm the bombs I've got a disarmed one to demonstrate with. You use this spray here…like this…like THIS!" The spray stuttered into life and froze the entire workbench. "Well not just like that but you get the idea. What are you waiting for? Christmas? Get on with it!"

Raidrew furrowed his brow, "are you going too? I mean, you're the expert here."

Stillman snorted, "I can't go anywhere with this um…wooden leg which I suddenly have! No, no, no. I'll hide in this cupboard and wait for you to come back. That means 'go.'"

Some time later Raidrew was at the stairs to the landing pad, the sensor he had been given showed that was where the next bomb was. However a white-haired woman was coming down and talking on her radio. Wasting no time Raidrew leapt out and aimed his pistol at her, "fucking freeze!"

"My that's a big one!" she said and laughed. "Seriously, stop trying to compensate loser!" She laughed again and somersaulted over the railing.

Raidrew looked down after her but she was gone. He crouched down and turned on the codec, "Fisting! I just saw a female Russian terrorist."

"Hmm…" Fisting thought, "that's probably Older Tankinivitch – she took over the squad of soldiers after her father was killed two years ago. Watch out for her!"

Even later Raidrew and Fisting finished diffusing all their bombs and called Stillman, "job done!" Raidrew said.

Fisting agreed, "yeah, piece of cake!"

"Oh shit!" Persy interrupted, "two giant bombs have just been armed and they're powerful enough to destroy the entire facility! Raidrew – head to the one on Shell 1, I'll go to the one on Shell 2!"

"Wait a minute! You said you had a wooden leg!"

"Yeah, I lied. Hurry up you twat!"

Raidrew froze his bomb just in time but Persy didn't do so well. There was a loud explosion and Fisting and Raidrew looked at each other, "shit!" One of the struts in Shell 2 collapsed and another began to flood.

It was just then that Raidrew received a information from a unknown caller, "the bomber has one final bomb and is challenging you to a showdown. You – alone at the landing pad in 5 minutes. You can call me…Mr X. Later…"

The transmission faded and Raidrew looked to Fisting nervously, "I don't wanna go! Why don't you?"

Fisting sighed, "the bomber asked for you and you ALONE!"

"Yeah…so what?"

"Get your ass up there…or I'll I kick you so hard I can see what you had for breakfast!" Raidrew left the room at neck-break speed heading for the landing pad.

Arriving at the landing pad Raidrew saw the fattest man he had…would ever see. "Well," the obese man said, "you showed up after all. You probably know all about me from Stillman."

"Nope!" Raidrew put it bluntly, "he's swimming with the…swimmy things."

The chunky chap was taken aback, "he never mentioned me? Not even once? Ah fuck him! I'll introduce myself! The name's FatMatt! I am the most skilled bomber who ever lived! Plus I've got really cool hair, base!"

Raidrew yawned, "oh I'm sorry did you finish talking? Fucking finally! Now we can fight…you big greebo!"

FatMatt's eyes narrowed and Raidrew could suddenly hear that tune from Kill Bill, "nobody…calls me…GREEBO!" He pulled out a Glock and fired at Raidrew.


	7. No name?

FatMatt skated towards Raidrew on his roller blades. He put out one arm and shouted, "clothes line!" Raidrew instinctually ducked and a wheel flew past his head. He opened his eyes to see FatMatt sprawled on the ground with a broken roller blade.

Raidrew pushed him up against a container, "you killed Stillman you bastard!"

FatMatt smiled, "yes I did. The greatest bomb disposal expert killed by the greatest bomber ever…me!" He laughed pulled a dog tags from around his neck, "how sad," he chuckled sarcastically, "the only remaining memory of a great…loser!" Raidrew smashed his head into the container and took the dog tags from him."

"Ah," Fisting said via the codec, "you got some dog tags. If you collect enough of these you'll unlock special gear for your next play through of the game."

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

Fisting sighed. "Forget it dude. Hadn't you better be rescuing those hostages?"

Raidrew choked, "me?! What about you…ahh, to hell with it!" As he was leaving the helipad a stealth-suited ninja flew over the railing and confronted him, holding a high-frequency blade before him. Raidrew drew his weapon, "who are you?"

"I'm like you, I have no name."

"Uh, hi. My name is Raidrew! Who are **you**?" he replied.

"Mr X if you like. Come let us go somewhere…more secure."

Colonel McKeegan cut in on the codec, "dude you are totally in there!…Carry on with the mission FFS!"

Raidrew made a mental note to whoop the colonel and followed the cyborg ninja down the stairs…'much more secure'. The ninja handed Raidrew an orange uniform and continued, "the hostages are in the core…that big thing over there. Go down one level and find the one called 'Games.' He will fill in the rest for you." With that the ninja flipped over the railing (again) and vanished. Raidrew looked at the uniform…2 sizes too small. Great.

Raidrew got out of the lift wearing the incredibly tight and sweaty uniform. He punched the retinal scanner and the door opened. He smiled to himself as he remembered the phrase Fisting had used earlier, "well whadayya know? This is a piece of cake!"

The door opened and Raidrew looked in at the 20 hostages. Which one was Games? "Shit." He trudged down the steps and started checking.

Soon Raidrew found the secret service agent 'Games.' He took his blindfold and gag off and Brady Games explained the situation, "the terrorist group took over just as the President was checking the development. They call themselves 'The Sons of Bitches' and their leader is apparently Solid Tank!"

Raidrew gasped, "the legendary hero? It can't be!"

Games mock-coughed, "can I finish? The nubs say they want the country to be released from the Patriot's grip and they'll shut down all the media with the new Metal Gear stored here."

Raidrew yelled, "a new Metal Gear?!!" He looked around the room hoping none of the guards had heard. "Sorry. Carry on."

Brady exhaled, "actually that's everything. Now if you…hey look over there!" Raidrew looked through a thick soundproof window to see three blurry figures. "There's that Revolover guy, the Russian terrorist woman and…" Games pointed, "there! That's Solid Tank! Quick use your directional microphone!"

"My what?"

"Tell me you went to B2…you had to right?"

Raidrew looked at his feet, "um no."

"Aggh, come on! You're going to have to listen to the conversation. Find another way you dumb shit!"

Raidrew ran to the bathroom next to 'the room' and put his ear to the wall. Johnny Sasaki put down his magazine, "um, someone's in here!"

Raidrew smacked Johnny around the head, "shush!" he pressed his ear to the wall firmly and listened carefully.

"…the intruder is not important. The operation goes ahead as…operated? What the fuck? I've got to see the writer about this crappy script. Anyway just up security and set some traps okay?"

The other two answered, "yup."

"Good." He left the room and the others followed muttering something about 'Doctor Octopus?' Confused by this Raidrew took his ear away from the wall and his hand away from Johnny's mouth.

Johnny coughed and inhaled several times, "holy crap you could have killed me! I mean I've had some bad experiences – getting beaten and having my clothes stolen…"

Raidrew went back to Brady games as Johnny continued to rant. "Well that was a fascinating conversation!" Raidrew said sarcastically to games.

"Shut up. It's part of the script that you hear it and you don't mess with the…crap! Revolver Scottelot's coming this way! Put your mask back on and get out your AK!"

"My what?"

"Oh you really do suck!"

Scottelot appeared behind Raidrew and put his SAA to his head, "so you must be the intruder eh?"


End file.
